School Day Blues

I have recently come realize something that is a) motivating me and b) making me sad (not that it takes much to make me sad nowadays).

Little Miss starts school this August. August 12, to be precise. And I'm realizing that the time we spend together (all day, every day) and do all sorts of fun things together is coming to an end. I mean, we'll spend time with each other, but not as much as we do now.

I'm proud in a way. I've managed to keep a human being alive and well for this long. I've taught her numbers, letters, colors. I've taught her to love herself, to be kind, to think for herself. And trust me, at four, she doesn't want anyone thinking for her. But I can't help but think that soon, my days will be quiet. I won't have to watch Spongebob or Garfield or Dora all day long if I don't want to. I can run errands without taking ten minutes at each stop trying to convince a very stubborn little girl to get out of the car. I can clean my house without having it be destroyed five minutes later. I can go to the gym and for walks and out to lunch with friends if I so choose.

But I know I'm going to miss having my little shadow tag along. How I won't have anyone to cuddle (well, besides the kitty boys and the dog) in the afternoons when the world is gray and wet. How I'm going to be watching the clock, counting down the hours until she steps off of that school bus and comes home.

I'm starting to think that the transition from home to school will be easier for her than it will be for me. She loves going out, meeting new people. She's shy at first, but then really turns into this little social butterfly that loves everything and everyone. She will have no trouble making friends, I'm pretty sure.

I know it's January and I still have several months to spend with her. But on this dreary, wet, cold, gloomy Wednesday, where she turned down cuddling and movies to go play in her room without me, the realization hit me hard.

My tough talk about how I can't wait for her to go to school is a ruse. I dread her going to school. I wish she'd stay little and want to be with me forever, yet I know that it's impossible.