So, I think I may be in actual danger of falling asleep tonight. Which probably isn't the best thing ever, because falling asleep on the job gets you fired.
And falling asleep while driving gets you killed. Either way, I lose.
Tomorrow, I will sleep all day. And people are just going to have to get over that fact.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
I have learned...
That I am apparently very angry, unhappy and depressed.
I went to my appointment with the therapist today (didn't do any art though, sadly). Talked for a whole hour and apparently the only emotion I showed was anger. I apparently act like I'm numb to everything else and feel as if I don't deserve peace.
I calmly explained that I don't have time for peace because I'm so busy worrying about everyone else. And I was kind of upset because I expected to color this time.
She wants me to go back on the anti-depressants that cost $130 and I informed her that I do not have $130 to spend and my health insurance is puny and even with it I still can't afford it. Husband and I are holding out until he gets his new job, in which he gets Federal health benefits to even think about trying to get back on the pills.
I should probably get back on the anti-anxiety pills although they make me a little loopy and probably wouldn't be conducive to a work environment in which I have to be professional. You know, and not shout 'For Narnia!' at random intervals while holding a stick.
I just realized I should probably move my car. Eventually.
The only hope I have right now is that one day, SOON, we will move. Away from the middle of nowhere and my drunk-ass neighbor who thinks it's funny to scream the N-word at my family and get into domestic violence disputes with his woman, who he's cheating on, in MY yard.
He's going to be in for quite a surprise when I send him a bill with the estimate of what it's going to cost to fix everything of mine that he's fucked up.
I went to my appointment with the therapist today (didn't do any art though, sadly). Talked for a whole hour and apparently the only emotion I showed was anger. I apparently act like I'm numb to everything else and feel as if I don't deserve peace.
I calmly explained that I don't have time for peace because I'm so busy worrying about everyone else. And I was kind of upset because I expected to color this time.
She wants me to go back on the anti-depressants that cost $130 and I informed her that I do not have $130 to spend and my health insurance is puny and even with it I still can't afford it. Husband and I are holding out until he gets his new job, in which he gets Federal health benefits to even think about trying to get back on the pills.
I should probably get back on the anti-anxiety pills although they make me a little loopy and probably wouldn't be conducive to a work environment in which I have to be professional. You know, and not shout 'For Narnia!' at random intervals while holding a stick.
I just realized I should probably move my car. Eventually.
The only hope I have right now is that one day, SOON, we will move. Away from the middle of nowhere and my drunk-ass neighbor who thinks it's funny to scream the N-word at my family and get into domestic violence disputes with his woman, who he's cheating on, in MY yard.
He's going to be in for quite a surprise when I send him a bill with the estimate of what it's going to cost to fix everything of mine that he's fucked up.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
One Step Forward
I started going to therapy in December. And by started, I mean that I had one appointment. I was going to set up another one, truly, but things spiraled downward and I never did.
Little Miss' therapist brought it up each time I saw her, and I always said I'd make the appointment and all the jazz, but I never did. It's not like I didn't like the therapist I saw, she's really nice. And it's not like I didn't like the method of therapy, which was art therapy, which I found interesting even though there's not an artistic bone in my body. I just never went and made the appointment.
However, tonight, as I sit in the office of the hotel bored out of my skull and halfway making breakfast for everyone, I just went ahead and e-mailed her, asking to set up an appointment.
I figured I need it. I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays, and I never filled my prescription for antidepressants, mostly because they were too expensive. But now I have a job, so who knows? I'll probably be asked to take them again, even though they tend to make me sleepy and irritated and sick.
So here's to hoping she's actually willing to meet with me again, and that it works out well. I hope it does actually. I have no idea what kind of art she's going to ask me to try in the next appointment, but I hope it has something to do with macaroni noodles.
Little Miss' therapist brought it up each time I saw her, and I always said I'd make the appointment and all the jazz, but I never did. It's not like I didn't like the therapist I saw, she's really nice. And it's not like I didn't like the method of therapy, which was art therapy, which I found interesting even though there's not an artistic bone in my body. I just never went and made the appointment.
However, tonight, as I sit in the office of the hotel bored out of my skull and halfway making breakfast for everyone, I just went ahead and e-mailed her, asking to set up an appointment.
I figured I need it. I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays, and I never filled my prescription for antidepressants, mostly because they were too expensive. But now I have a job, so who knows? I'll probably be asked to take them again, even though they tend to make me sleepy and irritated and sick.
So here's to hoping she's actually willing to meet with me again, and that it works out well. I hope it does actually. I have no idea what kind of art she's going to ask me to try in the next appointment, but I hope it has something to do with macaroni noodles.
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